Is This Thing On?

Can anyone see me? Hello? Okay, lemme know if I need to adjust the volume. Thanks for being here, I know it’s an inconvenient time and we all have a lot going on, so I really appreciate it. I hope you guys like cats! 

I realize that I have been treating my creative practice a bit like my sobriety. Like, I don’t talk about it, I don’t show anything to anyone and I kind of keep on going through it secretly because I will undoubtedly fuck it all up, and if no one knows I am trying then no one knows when I fuck it up. Right? It’s a solid plan that has gotten me this far.

I always thought that being a perfectionist meant that in some way I achieve perfection, but I can’t even call myself a perfectionist because I usually blow stuff up before it gets to close to perfection. If I finish something and declare it completed, that implies a level of self satisfaction. It implies that I stand behind it and that’s a narcissistic responsibility that I just can’t handle. That’s why I need someone else in charge of deciding when something is finished. It’s out of my hands, I take no responsibility. Otherwise I will either start over, destroy or abandon. This goes for art, personal goals, sobriety attempts, relationships, pretty much everything. 

So do you guys like cats?